Raising The Right Kind of Rebel

How many kids have “no” as one of their first words? Probably a lot. How many toddlers and preschoolers throw masterful temper tantrums? Also a lot. How many youngsters insist on doing things for themselves, even when these things are difficult? Many. And how many older kids refuse to do what they’re told? Again, many.

Free will doesn’t take long to kick in, and very few parents make it through their child’s younger years without some sort of “rebellious phase”. Kids are wired to question, to ask “why”, to challenge ideas and decisions. It’s not the easiest part of parenting, but if we play our cards right, we can channel this drive into something productive, something that will help our kids to be better thinkers, and better citizens of the world.

What does it look like for a kid to be a thoughtful rebel?

·      They don’t just resist for the sake of resisting. They resist in order to pause and ask questions, and to see what’s behind assumptions and actions.

·      They rebel because they want to be included in conversations and decisions, despite the fact that they’re still young.

·      They insist on having reasons for doing things, and aren’t comfortable accepting ideas “just because”.

·      They don’t mind going against the status quo in order to find better ways to do things, even if it means standing out a little.

·      They’re okay with change, not for its own sake, but as a means to make the world a better place.

·      They accept that sometimes answers aren’t easy to come by, and that they’ll need to consider all kinds of other perspectives.

Admittedly, sometimes kids rebel because they’re hungry, tired, bored, or upset. But sometimes it’s actually because they aren’t comfortable doing something without understanding why. Sometimes something just doesn’t feel right, and they can’t move forward without having the opportunity to discover why.

So, how do we teach our kids to be thoughtful rebels?

·      Include them in conversations around big ideas. There are age-appropriate ways to explore even difficult issues with young thinkers.

·      As always, help them learn reasoning, communication, and empathy.

·      Explain that there’s a difference between rebelling against something, and rebelling in favour of something. The second option is often more likely to bring solutions to problems.

·      Find out what they care about, and encourage them to get involved in it. This could be climate change, social justice, supporting the arts, or other important issues. Don’t assume that because they’re young, they don’t know or care about these things.

·      Reinforce, as often in possible, that their ideas and their questions are important, and that they too can help bring about positive change. It’s never too early to stand up and stand out for something important.

·      Point out to them that in being a thoughtful rebel, they’re setting an important example for their peers and family members. It’s not easy to think differently, but it can have a positive and widespread impact.

Is it easy raising a rebel? Not even remotely, but if we have children who are willing and able to speak out when they need to, we have a chance of raising a generation of problem-solvers and innovators. Perhaps bigger thinkers can learn from their example too.

Happy thinking!